The Gaslight Journal Page 16

  Izzy swallowed hard. “So, what is her prognosis? Does anyone know?”

  Elizabeth shook her head. “I am afraid not yet. I believe he is still in there doing another examination, administering medications, trying to get her stable. He is not yet sure whether she will again need to be hospitalized.”

  Izzy was now certain this had to be some horrible, unending nightmare. How could she have left her mother alone in that state on that final note, knowing full well she had just shared intimate details of her first heart attack? She felt a hot tear trickle down her cheek and felt more ashamed than she had ever felt before. She was falling apart before her own eyes, and she felt completely powerless to stop it.

  Suddenly, Dr. Davis exited her mother’s room and walked directly to her.

  Izzy stood to face him. “How is my mother, Dr. Davis?” she said in a whisper.

  Dr. Davis smiled and put both hands on her shoulders to steady her. “She will be fine, Miss Audley. She has had only a mild episode, and I have her sedated right now to allow her body time to rest. Will you walk with me?”

  He maneuvered Izzy away from the well-meaning but prying ears of the staff. They found two more chairs near the end of the hallway and sat down. “Miss Audley, I need you to be honest with me about something.”

  “I will do what I can, doctor.”

  “Has Mrs. Audley been under any sort of stress lately?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Because, most of what she has undergone is nervous exhaustion. I just have a suspicion that she is dealing with some sort of upheaval in her private life that she has decided not to share with me, and if I am treating the whole person, then it is imperative that I know exactly with what I am dealing.”

  Izzy looked down at her feet and hesitated.

  “I assure you, Miss Audley, your confidences will remain with only me,” he said. “But I do need to know anything that will help me better understand what it is your mother is facing, and how I can best treat it.”

  Izzy sighed. If she spoke it out loud, then that would mean it was real, and she did not feel as if she were quite ready to handle that, but, for her mother’s sake, she would face it. “Yes, you are right. Mother has been under a great deal of stress, almost since her last episode, and I am just now finding out about it because she kept it all a secret from me.”

  “What is that?”

  “Oh, I could die of embarrassment!” said Izzy, with tears stinging her eyes.

  Dr. Davis patted her paternally on the hand and urged her to continue.

  “It started just shortly after Father passed. Mother found out from her attorney that the inheritance we thought he had left for us, would now go to an unknown heir apparent somewhere in Connecticut.”

  Dr. Davis stiffened. “Oh. I see.”

  “Yes, it is horribly shameful. Father had an indiscretion that resulted in the birth of a son, and due to the Law, the inheritance went directly to him—my half-brother.”

  “So it left you completely destitute?” Dr. Davis could not hide his mounting concern.

  “Well, it would have, if the boy and his mother had not been so benevolent to us.”

  “I am afraid I do not understand.”

  “Unbeknownst to me, Mother had agreed with her attorney to set up a meeting with these people. They rode down from Connecticut and met Mother here for high tea one afternoon, and according to what Mother shared with me today during her re-telling of the tale, they all got along rather well and so the two spent the night in our guest rooms and left by coach the next morning. But not before the woman gave my mother more money than what she had wanted, expected or thought she needed.”

  “Well, is that not a good thing?”

  Izzy nodded. “It would have been, except that apparently Father had run up some debts surrounding this woman’s existence, so not only did our country home need to be sold to cover some of them, but not more than a few days ago the bank sent collectors from the Fairtown Savings and Loan and they began repossessing some of our most prized possessions. Apparently, the next step is to foreclose on our home.”

  “But I do not understand. If this woman gave you more than your mother thought you needed, why the stress with the bank?”

  “I guess when the attorney set up the meeting, he said the amount of debt was so extensive, that no amount of money the woman would give us would be enough to stop foreclosure. And Mother being Mother, gratefully, although with much embarrassment, accepted whatever help was offered to us and decided she would deal with the repercussions when the time came.”

  Dr. Davis shifted in his chair. “So tell me, Miss Audley. When did you find out about all of this? Were you aware of it as it was happening?”

  “Certainly not, doctor! Mother did not tell me any of this until today when I pressed her on the issue. I was not even aware that she had suffered a previous heart attack until a little while ago! I was livid, and unfortunately, we quarreled. I am afraid this is all my fault.”

  “How would any of it be your fault?”

  “Because, I accused her of evil things that I knew I should not talk about. I was not here when she had to deal with the most of this stress, and therefore I could do nothing. But today, it was entirely my fault that she is now lying in that bed, possibly dying and I do not know what to do to help her!” By now she was crying and Dr. Davis pulled her close and let her cry on his benevolent shoulder.

  After a few minutes and many tears later, Izzy was cried out and pulled back.

  Dr. Davis said, “Would you like to see her now? I can only let you stay for a moment, and she will probably be asleep, but I know you wish to see her.”

  Izzy nodded as she rose from her chair and made her way to her mother’s room, Dr. Davis guiding her with one hand steady on her shoulder.

  Lilly, while clearly asleep, looked ashen gray and Izzy felt her breath catch in her throat.

  “Do not be concerned. That is from lack of oxygen, but we have her on a heavy flow of O2 right now and that will soon dissipate. It looks much worse than it is.”

  Izzy was grateful for his kindness and explanation. “May I walk over and sit with her?”

  “Certainly. I will be right behind you if you need me.”

  Izzy tiptoed to the bed, as if Lilly’s health lay in the floorboards beneath her feet. She sat down softly on the bed’s edge, and placed a hand on top of Lilly’s, and was stricken at how cold she felt.

  Dr. Davis intercepted again. “That is normal, Miss Audley. Her circulation is not where we would like for it to be at the present time, but there is nothing to be concerned about.”

  Izzy turned her attentions back toward her mother, and stared at her. She marveled at how old Lilly suddenly looked—not like the lively, spry spitfire that she encountered earlier this afternoon. There, for the first time, she noticed the deep-set wrinkles edging her eyes; the laugh lines outlining her pale lips and her poorish skin quality. Lilly looked so stricken and ill that Izzy nearly had to tear her gaze away for fear of bursting into tears, and right now, she realized, she must be strong. If for no one else, then for her mother’s sake. And that is something that she just did not trust herself to be. She was disappointed with the way she had handled this whole matter, and truthfully, wondered what other thoughtless mistake she might make in order to make the situation and stress levels worse.

  And just as it occurred to her, Dr. Davis interrupted with the same thought. “Miss Audley, you do realize that while your mother is recuperating, you will have to take her place in matters of the home.”

  Izzy felt panic rise without warning. It was a foreign feeling, for she had never really felt anything akin to anxiety before now. What would she do? She had no experience at running a household—in some ways her mother had seen to that. With Lilly constantly wanting to protect her from harsh realities that the world had to offer, it stunted Izzy’s maturation. In times just as this, it left Izzy void of any coping skills with no idea how to step up and take control. B
ut that must be what she needed to do now, more than ever. In Izzy’s mind, it was time that she grow up and stop the childhood, foolish fantasies of men in regimental uniforms asking her to balls that did not matter to anyone now. She would have to begin thinking of how to pay out weekly salaries to staff, where money for food would come from, and where they would go once, and if, there was to be a foreclosure. She knew of no immediate family in the area, and so that left them clearly on their own, and with the way their so-called friends now regarded them since the news of their situation had spread, she knew they could not count on any of them for support. She sighed. It truly now was just she and her mother. And the one woman she needed to guide her with grace through this most trying time, was lying in front of her in her fighting for her life.

  “You are right, Dr. Davis. I must step up and take my rightful place as the temporary head of this household. I have no idea how I am to begin such a daunting task, but I know my mother would at least want me to try. She has already done so much for me, that now it is naturally my turn to repay her kindness and do what I can. It seems my days as a carefree, childish college girl are over.”

  “I would not go that far, missy,” said a groggy Lilly.

  “Mother! You are awake!” said Izzy.

  Dr. Davis moved her out of the way so he could examine Lilly. “There you are. Are you in the habit of scaring me twice in one lifetime? If you are, then I must rescind my invitation for dinner once you are up and around.” He smiled at her, and she smiled weakly back at him.

  Izzy took note of his comment about dinner. Was this yet another thing that Lilly had failed to mention? Was she interested in this handsome doctor now standing over her, worried about her health, and if so, was she hiding this from Izzy too, so as to spare her hurt at the outside chance that she might think it cheating on her dead father? She could not help but feel anger well up again at the endless ways this woman had chosen to deceive her, and all under the guise of protecting her. Izzy quickly excused herself and sat down in the hallway in a failed attempt to calm down. She forcibly reminded herself of how frail her mother had looked only moments ago, and allowed this to tame her anger. It was a useless and rotten emotion that produced nothing good, and she would have to learn to curb it where her mother was concerned. Perhaps they would never see eye-to-eye on matters of child-rearing, but that did not mean Izzy would or should consciously allow herself to remain angry at Lilly for extended periods of time. No. I have more important matters that require my immediate attention, and I cannot be cluttering up my mind with useless anger that solves nothing. She felt a tear roll down her cheek, and as she lowered her head to get her handkerchief, she noticed black boots parked directly in front of her chair, and she looked up.

  “Is there anything I may do to help in this time of need, Miss Audley?” said Mr. Whentworth.

  Before she could stop herself, she rose from her chair, threw her arms around his neck in such a fashion as to make a spectacle out of the both of them, and began crying openly into his neck.

  But before Mr. Whentworth could respond, they heard a yell coming from Lilly’s room. It was Dr. Davis. “Dear God, someone get the nurse, quickly!”

  Chapter 20

  There's No Beauty Like The Winter Rose

  There’s No Beauty Like The Winter Rose (Chapter Twenty)

  By the time the party reached Lilly’s room, Dr. Davis was waving everyone off. “It is fine, it is fine. She had a spasm but we were able to get her to relax. I have given her a stronger sedative and so now hopefully, she will rest through the night. I am going home now to rest myself, but I will be back first thing in the morning.”

  The next statement he made directly to Mr. Whentworth. “I want you to stay here with the Audley women tonight and make sure they have everything they need. If there is any change in Mrs. Audley’s condition, I want you to send for me immediately. Do you understand, young man?”

  “Absolutely, and I would have stayed whether you asked me or not. Do not worry, it is all in my charge. Try and get some rest.”

  Dr. Davis and his nurse promptly left, and the servants were all sent back to their stations, except for Elizabeth, who gladly agreed to stay and be Lilly’s particular companion if she should need anything during the night. Elizabeth was simply happy to be needed.

  Next, it was Izzy’s turn to receive her orders. Thomas said, “I want you to go downstairs to the parlor, and wait for me there. Go.”

  Izzy did not dare contradict him, so forceful was his mandate, so she went downstairs and waited as she was told.

  Once Mr. Whentworth made sure Elizabeth had books to keep her occupied, and made sure Lilly’s fire was built up and roaring in the empty grate, he made his way down to the kitchen. He promptly put in a late-night order of tea and light refreshment, then made his way into the sitting room where Izzy dutifully waited. He quickly built a fire, and soon they were sitting in the warm orange glow, sipping tea and feeling stronger much fortified.

  Finally Izzy spoke. “What are you doing here?”

  “Helping where I am needed.”

  “No, really. What are you doing here? How could you have learned about mother’s attack so quickly?”

  “Sometimes, Miss Audley, you forget just how small this town really is. I have a friend who was at Dr. Davis' home when he got the call that your mother had collapsed. As soon as I heard, I rushed right over to be of service, for I knew you would be in no condition to think clearly.”

  “I thank you for having such incredible confidence in my ability to handle stress.”

  Mr. Whentworth was immediately put out at her reply. “Why do you constantly insist on being so independent as to put off people who care about you? Why are you hell-bent on doing everything yourself?”

  “Because I do not relish being a woman who is so weak that she cannot do anything for herself.”

  “Hmmmn.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Well, it seems to me, that if this were truly your intent, then you would not allow Elizabeth to remain in your employ. You would take care of getting your own dinner, your own bath and changing your own clothes.”

  He watched as Izzy’s face turned twenty shades of red, and he could not clearly discern whether they were for embarrassment, or pure anger.

  Izzy remained silent.

  “What? No tongue-lashing full of daggers?”

  “I will not give you the satisfaction.”

  Realizing that this was a difficult time for all, and that he probably should not have taken such delight in needling Miss Audley for sport, he apologized to her. “I should have realized that you were probably in no condition to verbally spar with me this evening.”

  Izzy softened. “Thank-you. And I am sorry for getting my ire up. I just finished telling myself not to do that any longer, and here I am messing it up again! I am afraid I am hopelessly flawed.”

  Mr. Whentworth smiled to himself. “You need not worry of your flaws, Miss Audley, for they only add to your charm.”

  Izzy tried to ignore the butterflies that his statement invoked, by changing the subject. “I think I will go upstairs and check on Mother.”

  “Your mother is sleeping, and if anything happens to her during the night, Elizabeth is capable enough of letting us know. She knows I am in for the duration and that you will be here as well.”

  “Yes, of course, you are right.”

  An unsettling silence fell upon them, until Mr. Whentworth broke with a jarring question. “Miss Audley, how did it happen?”

  Izzy wheeled about to face him, to search for any hint of folly in his eyes. When she found none, she knew he was serious. Now, all she needed to do was decide whether or not to answer him. And if she chose to, how would she approach it? Did she want him knowing the full extent of their hideous secrets, or just the ones he learned from his horrid sister? Then again, she did not ever peg Mr. Whentworth as a gossip—that sport he left to the women in his family. So, could she really tr
ust him to listen without inferring judgment? She was emotionally drained, but felt as if it would be good to have someone in which to confide. One thing was certain: it was tiring being a lone ship, always passing others in mid-stream, but without any contact of value. She used to rely on the wisdom of her father to help her navigate the waters, and now that he was gone, she had turned, possibly too much, to Lilly.

  She suddenly felt very alone and cold, in spite of the warmth of the grate. This homecoming had been nothing like she had pictured, and now that her fantasy had been interrupted with a good dose of reality, she had no idea how to handle it. Her shoulders were aching from holding so much tension, and she noticed for the first time that evening, that her head was pounding with a migraine. She grabbed her temples and began to massage them, but that did nothing. Without warning, tears began streaming down her face and try as she might, her body, under its own power, began racking with heavy sobs. She did not care who heard her, and she was crying uncontrollably.

  She faced the far wall so Thomas would not see her, but he certainly heard her and walked up behind her. He whispered, “Miss Audley… ” and gently put both hands on her shoulders. When she did not pull away, he slowly turned her to face him, searching her face. He saw traces of pain that had been there for many, many months, and needed this very release. He had seen this in her before, but never felt comfortable enough with their relationship to offer advice on the matter. But tonight—at this very moment—things were different. Isabella was no longer fighting him, and he pulled her quivering body close to his, enveloping hers with his strong, yet gentle arms. She nuzzled her face into his shoulder and cried even harder, unable or unwilling to stop the flow of tears. Mr. Whentworth spoke softly to her, telling her all would be well.

  She never once fought him. Inside his arms, she somehow felt like she was meant to be there; like it was home, and the more she cried, the better she felt.

  After nearly ten minutes, she began to relax and the tears started to ease. Now she was quiet, but still nuzzled into his neck, and he continued to simply hold her like a child who needed comfort. She pulled back and whispered, “I do apologize, Mr. Whentworth.”