The Gaslight Journal Page 18

  He saw the battle etched clearly on her face, and intercepted, determined not to let her get away. “Miss Audley, look at me.”

  She raised her eyes to meet his, realizing that if she were not careful, she could easily loose herself. “Yes?”

  “I want to be here for you, in a way no one has ever been her for you before. You have spent your entire life trying to be the daughter your father wanted you to be, and you have clearly succeeded. But think of this: in all the years we have known each other, I have never seen you with anyone else in a serious way. You always seem to come back to me. And while we are laying everything bare at the moment, I will tell you that I have also never been with anyone else, except as mere friends. I always come back to you. Do you not see? It has been our destiny that we end up together since we were young. Frankly, I do not know anyone else head-strong enough to handle you. So will you please stop the reasoning in your head for a moment, and think about what would be best for both you and your mother right now?”

  Izzy heard the shock come out in her voice. “Mr. Whentworth, are you about to say to me what I think you are about to say?”

  Mr. Whentworth thought about it for a moment, and then smiled. “Why, yes, I think I am. Miss Isabella Elizabeth Audley, will you make me the happiest man on Earth by saying that you will marry me and become Mrs. Isabella Whentworth?”

  Chapter 22

  Tell Me You Will

  Tell me you Will (Chapter Twenty-Two)

  Before she could discern what she was feeling, hot, wet tears streamed down her face, and she was smiling—wider than she had ever remember smiling. She threw her arms around Mr. Whentworth’s neck solely on an impulse, and allowed herself to be enveloped by his warmth and sensitivity. Suddenly the stress from the relationship with her mother, and from losing their fortune as well as their home melted away in his embrace and she truly never wanted to leave.

  She was so caught up in her soaring spirits, that she had not noticed that Mr. Whentworth had suddenly pulled away and was looking her in the eye again.

  “So? Am I to assume that your answer is yes?”

  And with that, reality hit her in the face again. Thoughts fill her head over where they would live, what she would do about finishing University, and even what his family would say, for she knew after the encounter with his sister, that their opinion of her was not favorable.

  He put his finger to her lips and said, “Sshhhh. All will take care of itself within time, if you will only put my heart out of its misery and tell me now: Will you marry me?”

  She could contain herself no longer. “YES, Mr. Whentworth, I would love to marry you!”

  The last few days for Izzy had been sheer bliss. While she and Mr. Whentworth had both agreed to wait to begin making formal announcements until Lilly was stronger, still, Izzy was content just knowing that she would soon be spending the rest of her life with Mr. Whentworth, and at that, she could not have been happier. The logical portion of her brain said she needed to worry over logistics, such as where they would live—for she still had not the courage to share with him the eventual fate of their home—but more importantly, how they would break the news to his mother and sister. That was one affair to which she had not been looking forward, and one of which Mr. Whentworth promised to spare her. She hated the thought of him having to face those barracuda women alone, but knew between the two of them, at least he was the one most equipped to handle them. He insisted on telling them alone, but they both agreed it would be best after they shared the happy news with Lilly first.

  She had been gaining her strength little by little. At least her spirits had been improving. Dr. Davis had made several return trips to check on her progress, and because of this, Izzy secretly wondered if perhaps he had another motive in visiting her mother so often. She also wondered if Lilly had enjoyed the visits as much as Dr. Davis seemed to, for after each one, she would laugh and find herself in high spirits. It heartened Izzy to entertain the notion that perhaps her mother had found a love interest in the handsome Dr. Davis. And comely, he was, indeed. Standing an impressive six-foot-four, with broad shoulders, mounds of dark, curly hair and the slightest hint of gray near his temples, one’s first impulse was to stare at his square jaw and imagine themselves wrapped in his strong arms. He had a toothy grin that seemed to light up the room. Oh, women noticed the handsome doctor as soon as he made his entrance! And why not? He had been a widower for nearly ten years, and besides their medical background, both he and Lilly shared this fact. At least she has a confidant her own age, thought Izzy, and this made her heart glad. As close as she and her mother enjoyed being, Izzy knew there were just some matters of the heart she would never be able to share with Lilly, as much as she wanted to.

  Mr. Whentworth had also been spending an increasing amount of time at the Audley home, and while this would normally spark rumors all about town, this time, those who inclined themselves to loose talk and gossip were only speculating of Mrs. Audley’s condition and that Mr. Whentworth was likely visiting so much to help the two women.

  Izzy realized that she was fine with them thinking this, but then realized the problem in keeping secrets lay within herself. Each time she popped her head in to check on Lilly, she found herself in such healthy spirits that she automatically wanted to share her joyous news with her best friend. Through her entire life, she had always had the friendship of her mother, and shared with her every new piece of news she owned. Now she was finding it difficult in keeping a secret, but out of her love for Mr. Whentworth, she was determined to do it.

  That afternoon while sitting in the sunshine of the sitting room, Izzy realized that this evening was the annual ball.

  “Mr. Whentworth, were you not going to be Miss Hasting’s escort to tonight’s ball?”

  He did not look over his paper. “Um. No. With our recent change in circumstances, I had decided that perhaps it better if I did not give anyone the wrong impression. Besides, your mother may need me.”

  “I think that is severely myopic of you.”

  This response surprised Mr. Whentworth greatly. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, only this: you had already made a promise to Mrs. Hastings that you would serve as her daughter’s escort. From what I am hearing, Rachel is not doing any better than when we bumped into each other at the café, and while it is true there has been no love lost between us recently, still, I would feel much better about the situation if you would simply keep your word and be her escort.”

  Mr. Whentworth looked up from his paper. “I am surprised at your reaction, but pleasantly so.” He then leaned over and pecked her on the cheek.

  She blushed. “Mr. Whentworth, she is my cherished childhood friend. I would be devastated if Rachel's actions reflected poorly on her family.”

  “But what about you? Who will be your escort?”

  Izzy furrowed her brow. “I am not sure I will attend.” She walked over to the window and let the warmth of the sun kiss her face.

  “Ah.”

  She turned to face him. “Do you mean something particular by that?”

  He smiled. “Only that you are obviously wrapped up inside your own logic again. You think too much, Miss Audley.”

  She smiled. “My father used to accuse me of that very thing. But in this case, I truly think it is warranted.”

  “Oh! I understand now! You will be too jealous in seeing me on the arm of your best friend. Well, that much I can understand,” he teased.

  “Oh, you understand nothing. Really. But in all seriousness, anyone in this town not living beneath a rock now knows of our circumstances and fall from social grace, so I am not even certain they will allow me entrance, in spite of the fact that I now have an invitation.”

  “As you say, you have the invitation. That means you have the same right to be there that anyone else does.”

  “The other consideration is my mother. If you are gone, then I am not certain that I should be as well.”

  He nodded
. “I agree. However, I think I heard Dr. Davis say earlier he would be coming to sit with your mother later, so really, there goes your last excuse.”

  Izzy did not smile.

  “What is it, love?”

  “There is one more thing.”

  “Yes?”

  Should she tell him? What would he say when he learned that the bank had already repossessed most of their personal possessions, and this meant that she truly did not have a gown fit enough to wear to such a function? You might as well go ahead and share with him all that you know, for he will find out sooner than later. He may take it easier coming from your lips.

  She sighed, walked him back to the settee, sat down with him, and began. “Mr. Whentworth, I am afraid I have something of a rather personal nature to share with you, and to be honest, it is not pleasant. In fact, I am embarrassed beyond belief that it has happened at all. But more so, that I have been unable to stop it.”

  Mr. Whentworth became alarmed. “Dear me! What is it?”

  “There was a reason that my mother had her attack, and it was my fault.”

  “Miss Audley, I am sure you are mistaken.”

  “No, Mr. Whentworth, I am afraid I am not. You see, the day before Mother collapsed, she and I were in the most horrific argument. Truly; we have never in our lives fought like that.”

  “What was it over?”

  “That is the embarrassing part. For you see, it was over Father’s journal.”

  “How could that tear you apart?”

  “Well, it was not so much the actual journal, or even what he said in its entries, so much as what he did not say.”

  Mr. Whentworth waited for her to continue.

  “I had gone upstairs while Mother was at hospital that morning, and decided to decorate the house for holiday. It is so depressing here without any decorations, and you know, Christmas has always been our favorite time of year. Well, when I got in the attic and saw the boxes of decorations, I was immediately side-tracked by the bookshelves, and one book in particular.”

  “Mr. Audley’s journal.”

  Izzy nodded. “I began to read it, and soon I was wrapped up in his pages. I was happy to hold something so personal from my father, but also alarmed from the beginning, for they alluded to a dark secret that, if known, would tear our family apart. But yet all throughout the book, he never explained what it was. The more I read, the more enraged I became, and so in a fit of anger, I threw the book. That is when a letter fell from its back cover.”

  “A letter?”

  “Yes.”

  Mr. Whentworth could see the pain beginning to build on Izzy’s face, and gently placed a hand over hers.

  She continued. “In the letter, my father had written to another woman and declared how much he missed being with her, and that he loved her very much. My father had an affair.”

  Mr. Whentworth’s mouth dropped open. “Miss Audley, are you certain this is what he meant?”

  “More than you know, Mr. Whentworth. I had just found the letter when Mother returned from hospital, and she saw me standing with it in my hands when she entered the attic. That is when the trouble began.”

  “Trouble? I do not think I am following.”

  Izzy became agitated. “Oh, Mr. Whentworth! Why will you make me say it out loud? All through Father’s journal, he felt so guilty for what he had done to his family, but I was not able to make the final connection. You see, my mother knew of the affair. She also knew why Father did not leave us our inheritance.”

  “Miss Audley? I am now truly confused. What do you mean, he didn’t leave you your inheritance? You are clearly not in the poorhouse yet. So I do not understand.”

  Izzy sighed. “Mr. Whentworth, the Law of Primogeniture.”

  “But I… ” and suddenly it dawned on him what she meant. “Miss Audley, are you certain?”

  “Unequivocally. Residing at this moment in Connecticut, I have an eighteen-year-old half-brother named, of all things, John.”

  “I am truly stunned,” he whispered.

  “Thank you.”

  “But, and forgive me, what does this have to do with your mother’s attack?”

  “I did not understand why we had no money when I found the letter. I did not know I had a brother. And so I am ashamed to admit, that I reacted to my first impulse, and that was to blame Mother for simply squandering all of Father’s hard-earning money! I am so guilt-ridden I can barely stand it. It is what we had been quarreling over for the two days leading up to Mother’s attack.”

  Mr. Whentworth continued to listen patiently.

  “And all this time, thinking she had been sparing my feelings, Mother had kept this incredible secret from me. I do not think she thought through what might happen if I found out by accident, which I did.”

  “Because of the letter.”

  “Well, not only that. Even on my first night in town, I ran into people who kept apologizing to me, saying they were sorry that it happened, give best wishes to your mother, that sort of thing. I thought they were all just mad, but as it turns out, they knew about our fall before I did… ” She bit her lip, unsure whether to add this final bit. “Even your sister, Thomas. She invited me for tea the day after I arrived, and in your drawing room she informed me that we were now indigent, and that letting me know was her duty, and allowing it to come from a friend was her only motive in telling me. I was so horrified, I fainted.”

  Mr. Whentworth was now on his feet. “Are you telling me that my own sister was the mouthpiece for this bit of unconfirmed, rogue gossip?”

  Izzy felt as if she might cry but she held herself together.

  He was now livid and began to pace.

  This scared her. “Mr. Whentworth, please! Calm yourself.”

  He did not hear her. “I cannot believe that out of all the stupid things my sister often does, this could be on her agenda. How dare she! I am going to have a talk with her right now!”

  He moved swiftly to get his coat, but Izzy stopped him. “Please! You cannot tell her I said anything to you!”

  He turned to face her. “Are you daft, woman? Why would you now protect her? I have grown up with this woman, and while she has her good points, she can also be a plain cow when she wishes it. I will not have her address my fiancé in such a manner! Please, let me go.”

  “But that is just it,” said Izzy, now pleading. “If you mention this to her in your present state, then one of two things will happen: you will be so hurt by her actions that you will then let the new of our engagement slip, or you will be so angered by her actions that you will alienate both your sister and your mother, and you do not need that.”

  This seemed to appease him for the time, for he sat on the settee again. “How? How could she do such a horrendous thing?”

  “Dearest, I have had to let it go. She will soon be family—that is, if we continue to go through with our plans after I am done sharing everything—and we must protect that. If I have learned nothing else from my recent row with my mother, then I have learned that.”

  Mr. Whentworth put his arms around Izzy’s neck and drew her to him. He had never felt so betrayed by anyone in his life, and was not certain as to how to process it all. “Wait. What do you mean, if we continue to go through with our plans after you are done sharing?”

  Isabella pulled back and looked him in the eye. “Mr. Whentworth, there is something else, and I am afraid you are not going to like it.”

  Chapter 23

  A Most Embarrassing Predicament

  A Most Embarrassing Predicament (Chapter Twenty-Three)

  “Bloody hell! You mean there is more?” Mr. Whentworth was now shouting.

  “Please, do not swear, love. I am afraid your shouting might awaken Mother,” Izzy said as gently as she could.

  Mr. Whentworth sat back down. “I am being selfish. Please, continue.”

  “Dear me. I am not sure how to proceed with this, so bear with me, please.”

  Mr. Whentworth could now feel h
is heart in his mouth, so high was his anxiety. What in the world could she have to tell him that would cause so much stress? He noticed that Izzy looked incredibly pale and moved to fetch some water from the dry sink.

  But she stopped him. “No, sweetheart, please. I am fine. Just let me get this out, for it burns the inside of my head having to think about it.”

  He returned to the settee and waited.

  “As it turns out, there was another secret that mother had been keeping from me, again, in hopes of sparing my feelings. Which in turn, resulted in another reason for our row, which resulted in her attack.”

  “What is it?”

  “I truly do not know how to break it to you, except to just blurt it out and hope the pain will be brief. Mr. Whentworth, in addition to losing our inheritance to another family, it appears that we now have lost our home.” There. It was done. She had said it.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, sir, when Mother met with Father’s probate attorney shortly after his death, he informed her that the small pittance that the Jacksons wanted to graciously share with us, would not be enough to allow us to keep our homes. That’s why Demesne Hall was immediately taken over by the Jacksons, and Capriolé has been foreclosed upon. It appears we have six days from tomorrow to be out.”

  Mr. Whentworth opened his mouth to speak, but Izzy waved him off, wanting to continue.

  “In addition to the foreclosure on the house, apparently the bank now has legal rights to remove some of our personal items. The same afternoon I found out about Father’s journal, the Fairtown Savings & Loan sent over uniformed men and they began removing things: rare edition books, the crystal, some silver, tapestries, paintings, and… ”

  “Yes?”

  “And even some of my gowns.” She was now crying, and felt foolish for being so blatantly superficial.

  “Oh, darling, I do not know what to say.”