The Gaslight Journal Read online

  What on Earth could he have possibly been thinking? She shook her head as she marveled again at the thought of the love of her life lying with another woman and eventually having a child with her. Up to this point she had not allowed the pain of this to control her, but now she was not feeling too steady with that idea. She began to feel overwhelmed as the time on the clock drew near. She could feel her mind spin and her thoughts run together. “Oh dear Lord, what am I going to do?”

  “Mrs. Audley?” Wilhelm said. “Are you unwell?”

  Lilly was snapped out of her torment by her butler’s voice. This was the needed prescription to pull her back toward reality. “Wilhelm, you startled me.”

  “Sorry ma’am. You have visitors.”

  Lilly, feeling very disconnected from herself, stood slowly to her feet as her guests were announced.

  “Mrs. and Mr. Jackson, for you, ma’am,” said Wilhelm. He stepped aside as a stunning woman in her mid-forties swept into the room. She seemed so comfortable, as if she had been a guest in this sitting room many times, and immediately made direct eye-contact with Lilly.

  Lilly was taken aback with this woman’s outward beauty. Ice-blue eyes seemed to stare straight into Lilly’s soul, discerned what she had been feeling, and immediately put her mind at rest. Her pale, porcelain skin was only made to appear more so with a head full of molten red-hair, but the combination was not garish—merely striking. Lilly had no trouble telling this woman was self-confident, for she wore a bright red lip-stain on her full, round lips, and they were smiling broadly from the time she entered the room. Because of all the staring she had been doing, Lilly did not notice that the woman’s hand had been outstretched since she arrived, and now Lilly felt foolish. Apparently, however, she had hidden it well, for if Mrs. Jackson noticed, she did not appear to let on that.

  “Mrs. Audley,” said the woman, “It is so wonderful to finally meet you.”

  Again, Lilly was struck dumb. In a made-up woman such as this, one would expect her voice to be as boisterous as her appearance, but this was not to be. She had a soft voice that only made you want to get closer to find out more about her.

  “Mrs. Audley? Are you unwell?”

  Lilly gained control and responded. “Mrs. Jackson, do forgive me. You are not at all what I expected.”

  Mrs. Jackson seemed to enjoy this, for she laughed with ease. “Oh, that is quite all right. I hear that a lot from people I have just met.”

  Lilly, feeling a little more relaxed, allowed herself to smile.

  “Mrs. Audley, allow me to introduce you to my son, John.”

  This was truly something Lilly had not expected, for when the son’s name was mentioned, Lilly went weak in the knees and slumped into a nearby chair.

  This clearly concerned Mrs. Jackson. “Oh dear! John, quick! Fetch a glass of water.”

  The handsome red-head, who bore a striking resemblance to his father, quickly located the tea service and poured a bit of water from the pitcher into the available teacup, then delivered it with humility to Mrs. Audley.

  Lilly did not look at the boy as she took the proffered cup and drank the water, glad of the momentary diversion. As she sipped the water, she became painfully aware of the silence that had settled, and as a good hostess, she would not allow this to be. “Thank you, both, but I assure you, I am fine. Perhaps I did not get enough sustenance at lunch. How about we partake of tea and get to know one another?”

  “Oh, what a grand idea!” said Mrs. Jackson.

  Lilly called for Mrs. Reddy to enter with the afternoon’s treats, and wonderful they were. The table had been lain with their best linen table covering, shimmering peach tapers, and her cherished Waterford crystal. Lilly’s favorite out of this had to be the cut crystal rose bowl, and today it held her favorite combination of cherry red tea roses and peach American Beauty roses, which matched her mother’s Royal Doulton china.

  With not much money left in the household budget, she was not able to offer the banquet she was accustomed to offering, but she also could not allow these people to see how bad a time of it the Audleys had been having; especially not these two. While she had inwardly agreed to be congenial to these people in spite of the situation in which they found themselves, still, a part of her regarded them as the enemy and she needed to put on her best showing. Maybe to prove to them that Mr. Audley was wrong in choosing to humiliate she and Isabella? Or perhaps to prove it to herself?

  With cups of tea poured, lemoned and milked, and treats of blackberry tarts, lemon-poppy seed bread and salmon mousse served, the party settled into a congenial, social rhythm, what with talk of the next Presidential election, soaring University costs and the state of women’s suffrage. Finally, it was Mrs. Jackson who addressed the real reason for their visit.

  “Mrs. Audley, I hope you do not think me maudlin, but I think it would be wise if we were to discuss the pressing issues at hand.”

  “Oh, certainly, Mrs. Jackson.” For the first time since they all sat down to dine, Lilly allowed herself to take in John’s features. This was disturbing at first, because the resemblance to her own John was so remarkable. Aside from his mother’s staggering red-hair, he had Mr. Audley’s solid build, height, soft green eyes and pouty mouth—no, there was no mistaking that this young man was indeed, Mr. Audley’s son. And perhaps that was the most disturbing notion to Lilly. Was I secretly wishing that someone had made a vast error—that perhaps this woman had some improprieties of her own? This, she realized, was her reaching for any explanation that would make sense of this state of stress and confusion. But now that she saw the boy in question and his resemblance to her own John, there could be no doubt.

  She forced herself out of her ruminations, however, and back to the situation at hand.

  Mrs. Jackson seemed to pick up on Mrs. Audley’s private thoughts, and she smiled at Lilly in a way as to convey her understanding. “Mrs. Audley, I realize more than anyone, how trying a time this must be for you, and I assure you, I am here to make this as painless as possible. I am just sorry that your daughter, what was her name, Isabella? That she could not be here. We both would very much like to meet her, if that is well by you. But, back to the issue at hand.” Mrs. Jackson paused. She looked down at her hands, as if reaching for the right thing to say. “Mrs. Audley, I know the attorney set up this meeting so we could not only meet, but also help you with your present circumstances, but I have to say: I fear we need to talk.”

  Chapter 17

  The Confrontation

  The Confrontation (Chapter Seventeen)

  Lilly could only stare at this creature before her.

  Mrs. Jackson continued. “I know we told your probate attorney that we would give you a little of Mr. Aud… your husband’s generous wherewithal to help you and your… Miss Audley out, but I have a problem with this.”

  Lilly’s heart stopped. In the back of her mind, she had a feeling something like this might happen. She did not wish to believe it, but sometimes, no matter how badly you wished for something didn’t make it transpire. Apparently for Lilly and Isabella, sadly, this was to be one of those times. Lilly sat still and waited for the woman to continue.

  Mrs. Jackson now paced around the room, as if her thoughts were hiding in each corner and she needed to physically pursue them. After a few minutes, she stopped and turned toward Mrs. Audley.

  “Mrs. Audley, I would like to think myself an evolved enough human being to be able to at least empathize with you.”

  Lilly continued to stare, hoping this woman would get to her point, tell her they would, under no circumstances, help them, and be done with the day.

  “Please, allow me to get right to the point. John and I have decided you need more help than we were prepared to originally give you.”

  Lilly waited. Why was she belaboring the point?

  “We would like to do more than we previously offered, if that would not be insulting to you.”

  At first, Lilly did not think she heard Mrs. Jackson
correctly. “Forgive me, but did you say you wanted to do more than your original offer?”

  Mrs. Jackson beamed. “Yes, ma’am, that is what we would like to do, if you will let us.”

  “But, but why would you want to? Before a month ago, you did not even know we existed. I just do not think I am understanding your motives,” said Lilly.

  Mrs. Jackson drew in a deep breath, and gently took Lilly’s hand. “You are correct. We did not know. And to be perfectly frank, I am having a very difficult time in dealing with my own guilt.”

  Lilly tried to protest, but was immediately muzzled.

  “Please, let me say this. It hurts me deeply to think of you and your daughter, learning that the love of your lifetime had an indiscretion that eventually led to the birth of an heir apparent, thus, cutting you out of your own inheritance. I have not been through that, but I do not believe it takes a genius to be able to imagine the hurt you must have felt.”

  Lilly, the tears now heavy in her eyes, could only nod and look down at her hands.

  Mrs. Jackson, so full of compassion, wiped away one of her tears, and continued. “I will say that once we learned of your existence, neither one of us felt all too well.

  Suddenly, it hit Lilly like a wall. Lilly looked up at the woman, now completely in disbelief. “I want you out of my house.”

  “Excuse me?”

  Lilly said, “I know exactly what you want to do, and it will not work.”

  Mrs. Jackson opened her mouth as if to speak, but shock overtook her and she could only stare.

  “If you think for one moment, that I will allow you to make a mockery of my family, then you are sadly mistaken, Mrs. Jackson!” said Lilly.

  “I am afraid I do not underst… ”

  “Oh, you know exactly what you are doing and what I am talking about,” said Lilly, now rising to her feet to match her anger.

  Mrs. Jackson said, “No, I am afraid I do not.”

  “Fine,” said Lilly. “Play obtuse. I will play your game. How dare you come into my home and wave money under my nose as if it is some prized carrot, in the vain hope that by my accepting it, it will appease your guilt. Did you really think I could be bought, Mrs. Jackson?”

  Mrs. Jackson stared in amazement. “I assure you, Mrs. Audley, that was not my intent. In fact, that horrid thought never even crossed my mind.”

  She kept her voice even, which irritated Lilly. “Ever the hero, yes?”

  “What on Earth would give you that impression, Mrs. Audley? Did you not think I had better use of my time than to travel all this way, with my only objective to rub your nose in it?”

  Lilly stayed her ground. “It has been done before, yes.”

  “Well, never by me.”

  “Oh, so this is not the first time you have ruined a family, then?”

  “That is not what I meant, and you know it.”

  “Honestly, Mrs Jackson, I could not tell you with certainty what I do and do not know about you. You say one thing with sincerity dripping from your lips, when your clear intent is another.”

  Mrs. Jackson was livid. “How dare you? I come here with the sole intent to help you in your time of need, and what do you do, but throw it back in my face like dung? I think I am beginning to see now why Mr. Audley strayed from you in the first place.”

  Before she could control what happened next, Lilly brought her hand hard across Mrs. Jackson’s left cheek, the “slapping” sound startling even her.

  Mrs. Jackson grabbed her cheek and John was at her side at once. This time it was he who spoke for the first time. “Woman, do not touch my mother again, for if you do, it will certainly be the last thing you remember.”

  Lilly immediately took a few steps backward. She could not decide if she were more shocked in the motives of this family standing in her sitting room, or in her own behavior, but she knew she would never apologize “You have disrupted this family enough. I would like you to go now,” she said, almost in a whisper.

  Mrs. Jackson told her son she was fine, gained her composure and said, “Mrs. Audley, if we can all just calm down for one moment, I would like the chance to explain.”

  “Mrs. Jackson, there is no nothing to explain. The situation is nearly self-explanatory. Shall I do a summation? Fine. You slept with my husband, became pregnant, had a child, found out that Mr. Audley did, indeed, have a family, and though the law clearly resided on your side regarding his money, you saw your chance to appease your guilt by coming here, offering us money in the hopes of buying my silence, and you took it. Did I forget anything?”

  Mrs. Jackson let out a slow breath. “Yes, I believe you did.”

  “What could I have possibly forgotten?”

  “The part where I can empathize, because I have been there.”

  Lilly wheeled around to face her. “What is this? Another half-truth to gain my trust?”

  “No, Mrs. Audley, I would never insult you in that fashion.”

  Lilly could not help herself. “And yet you have.”

  “Please, let me continue.”

  Lilly only nodded.

  “Mrs. Audley, I was twenty-two and newly married. I thought we were the perfect couple and happier than any two people could be. We had a beautiful home in Maine, and a summer home in New Hampshire. We always had plans of having children, but for some reason, after we had been married for six years and began seriously talking about it, he began to make excuses such as, he was too busy at work, or, the cost of education was too high; things like that. And me, being entirely naïve and completely in love, accepted these excuses, telling myself that he knew best and that a woman should always believe in and listen to the wisdom of her husband.” Here she took a slight break to catch her breath, and continued. “After we had been married for ten years and things seemed to settle down with his business and we got into a regular flow as most couples do, I began asking about the topic of having children. And again, I was met with a myriad of new excuses, this time, ranging from, my health is not what it used to be (he was nearly twenty-years my senior), to, I have been giving it a lot of thought lately and I am just not sure that children is what I really want. Well, you can imagine my exasperation.”

  Lilly kept her silence and her anger, but continued to listen.

  “So, I let it drop. Then one afternoon I received a caller, who said that Mr. Jackson had collapsed at work and I should visit him in hospital straight away. Of course I was scared and confused, but I left in haste. We lived only ten minutes by carriage from the closest hospital, but by the time I had arrived, it was too late.”

  “What do you mean?” said Lilly.

  “Mr. Jackson had died of a brain aneurysm only minutes before I arrived. The doctors said he probably had the condition for years and no one would have known.”

  “I am sorry for your loss,” said Lilly.

  Mrs. Jackson waived her off. “No need, Mrs. Audley, although I do appreciate the sentiments. But garnering sympathy is not the reason for my tale. A few months after the burial, the probate attorney contacted me regarding Mr. Jackson’s estate. It seemed there was a problem that I needed to handle promptly, so one afternoon I made my way to his office. When I arrived and the attorney explained the Law of Primogeniture to me, is when I learned the truth.”

  “Mr. Jackson had been having marital indiscretions and had a son with another woman,” said Lilly.

  Mrs. Jackson nodded her head. “Exactly. There was to be no money or any part of our possessions to go to me. Being a woman of Society all my life, I was destroyed. I had no idea what I would do, for I had no family close by.”

  Lilly said, “So, what did you end up doing?”

  “After selling off most everything I had that the bank did not end up taking for some of Mr. Jackson’s other debtors, I ended up working in a factory and living in a boarding house for nearly three years.”

  “What happened to the estate?”

  “It was the attorney who told me that Mr. Jackson had another family, a
nd in his use of the word ‘family’ is how I found out that he had a son by this woman. He never told me, but he never requested a divorce, either. But I digress. Through the attorney’s mediation, I met the woman and her son, and once she found out I existed, she offered a helping hand. She gave me a little of Mr. Jackson’s estate, although not enough to get me back on my feet. But the gesture was very touching.”

  “So how did you get on your feet? It seems you are doing well now.”

  “That is true. But it is entirely in thanks to Mr. Audley.”

  Lilly winced. “How so? He has only recently passed.”

  “True again. However, I met Mr. Audley while still living in the boarding house and working in the factory. One afternoon in the local tea room, we literally bumped into each other and in apology for ruining my gown, he offered to buy me a drink. During the conversation over drinks, I ended up sharing my story with him, and the rest I will reserve telling so as to spare you any further pain.”

  “I appreciate that, but I really do need to know, if you do not mind.”

  “Very well then,” said Mrs. Jackson. “The next afternoon, I saw Mr. Audley again, only this time he confessed that it was not merely by accident. When I questioned him, he admitted that he sought me out for a reason. Again, when I asked what he meant, he told me he had a surprise for me. He wanted to take me across the street to show me something, and when I resisted because I wanted to go upstairs to change my clothes, he told me my things were no longer there—they had been taken across the street. At first I was angry—how dare someone I barely knew take the liberty to move my things without my permission! And I said this to him. And he laughed. Out loud. In my face. Which angered me all the more. But he was very serene and understanding, and assured me, I would want to go across the street with him, so I finally did. As it turns out, my story had touched him deeply, and being the kind-hearted man that he was, he had rented a flat for me in the building across the street, terminated my stay at the boarding house and had my things moved to the new place.”